Healing Of Post-Adoption Effects

Healing of Post-Adoption Effects
By Lucy Franklin, CPAC

    Rather you placed your baby with a family in a open-adoption or closed adoption. The decision you made will affect you in away you might not have been prepared for.  Depending on the type of support you had in your family of orgin.  It is very important that you seek counsel with a trained adoption counselor. 
The following is normal and can be expected following the placement of your bson/or bdaughter:


1. Anger - Anger this is a highly normal response!  Angry at the circumstances of to why you felt the need to place, Angry at self that you felt you could not parent with birth father, Anger at feeling you were abandoned of support by your family, or boyfriend, or husband.  Some Birth Mothers have expressed to me being angry at God.  Anger that is repressed will manifest into cellular emotions that can make one sick. Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.


2. Shock and Denial - Shock (Placement can cause Shock-If you have gone through a traumatic experience.  You may be struggling with upsetting emotions, frightening memories, or a sense of constant danger that you just cannot kick.  Or you may feel numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. When bad things happen, it can take awhile to get over the pain and feel safe again.  But treatment and support from family and friends can speed your recovery from emotional and psychological trauma. Whether the traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and MOVE ON!


The first step to overcome - Is to stop denying that the loss occurred.  When you get stuck in denial you become repressed, pushing the very event of the placement further deeply into your body that can cause many of the following psychosomatic illnesses.  Such as anxiety disorders, agoraphobia, post-traumatic syndrome, severe depression.  Understand that denial of the placement will not help you heal.  You must prepare for placement prior and post to effectively move through to a place of peace for ones self.


3. Grief - Sorrow, Depression.  This is NORMAL! If you didn't grieve I would be worried.  Once the intial shock wears off you will move into the phase and realization of the loss.  If the depression becomes debliatating.  Watch for this.  Seek medical intervention immediately.  Grieving takes a toll on you emotionally and physically.  Now is the time to take extra good care of you.  YOU are important.  Remember to pamper yourself daily, through this process of health again.


4. Guilt - Many Birth Mothers start to feel guilty when they revisit the past. When they make progress and start living again they journey back to the past of the grief and loss.  I have done this myself.  But remember this LIFE is a journey and your b/son or b/daughter would not want their Angel Bringer of Life to be sad.  They want you strong and to own your decision to place.  I know this as truth.  For I am in reunion and my Birth Daughter always assures me that the past is just that.  The PAST. Look to the future.  With vigor and zest.  Embrace the God given gift of LIFE each and everyday. 


5. Acceptance - Finally we arrive at acceptance in our healing.  Arriving to the fact that a loss occurred.  Understand that acceptance does not mean that the pain is for ever gone. It means you have come to a healthy place of acceptance of your decision and choice to have placed your baby/child for adoption.


I placed my b/daughter over 29 years ago.  My one and only child is coming up on her 30th birthday in August.  She has had everything that I in my heart desired for her to have.  She loves her adoptive family and siblings, she has graduated from college, now going to graduate school.  I couldn't be prouder! I am thankful for her MOTHER, I can't say A-Mom.  No that is her Mother.  I was the vehicle that God chose to bring this beautiful baby to this family.  I often prayed for God to take care of her.  He has, He still does.  He takes care of she and I to this day.  For I believe that - We can do all things! All things through Christ Jesus!

 




Lucy Franklin, CPAC
Author of H.O.P.E. -Healing Of Post-Adoption Effects